Breathing at the wall

A saying goes: „strengthen your strengths“, the idea behind that being that if you get better at what you are already good at, other areas will profit from it as well. It’s like within a team, where the whole team profits from one member being really good at something that might not come natural to others. So, usually I will spend my day working on the things I enjoy the most, celebrate getting better at things and take up small challenges feeling confident about my more obvious talents.

There are shitty days as well, however. So what do I do, if nothing seems to work? If whatever I start feels less than average and doesn’t get me anywhere? Normally, on days like that, if I continue wanting to make just something work, that shitty feeling will start to affect all areas: job, relationship, friends, hobbies… because being tense about something won’t let the energy that I need flow freely. Whatever blocks me gets bigger and bigger. Being tense I will try start something else, work on another project, and build up that tension… Looking at myself in the mirror I will see a person that actually scares me!

So, what do I do? I scream! That helps for a starter, because all that filthy air gets out of my system, making room for fresh air floating through my pipes. Keep breathing, and yes, I will be a bit more calm. I will look at the moon rising reminding me that this day will come to an end as well. When looking at that brick wall in front of the window I try to remind myself of the horizon behind it, not just stubbornly counting the bricks (even though I am fond of brick walls aesthetically).

My yoga practice helps me as well because I manage to accept the physical limits my body shows me and breathe into it. I don’t want to do Yoga or meditate the whole day, however, because I don’t want to run from my life, my emotions, my fears, my anger, … I want to learn to accept all of those. And there are more arising constantly in life. So yes, I just breathe and try no to open that nice bottle of wine sitting in the kitchen cupboard, because I know that if I do so I will empty it all by myself and feel even worse tomorrow. I breathe, cook myself a nice dinner and go to bed early. Maybe I will read a bit – not something gossipy to get my mind of things because that kind of stuff might just trigger more anger, Krishnamurti will help strengthen that inner wisdom…
And when I wake up the next morning I feel very proud of myself not having touched that bottle of wine!